The Adventures of the Snow Queen with Mr Frost and his Wooden Staff
by Alois21
Summary: [Jelsa] Once upon a time in a far away land, there was a fair ruler who befriended a mischievous winter spirit. Inside her grand castle, they embarked on the most ridiculous, most interesting, and quite possibly, most perverted journey of their lives. In which Mr. Frost's wooden staff is wielded at inappropriate moments, and the queen is too tense and too (up)tight.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

**(1) No profit was gained in the making and consequent publishing of this story. The Rise of the Guardians and Frozen franchises are copyrighted to their respective owners.**

**(2) Necessary changes may be applied to the characters without prior notice, including, but not limited to, their ages, personalities, background information, et cetera. Changes may deviate from the canon and/or may be borrowed from other stories.**

**(3) Each short story is a stand-alone, and on its own may be considered complete. They are, however, from the same universe, but with no strict timeframe being followed. This fanfiction, as a whole, can be considered finished, but new chapters may be added in irregular intervals. **

**(4) Although the story had been written with the intent of emulating children's story books, it contains matured themes that should be read at the reader's discretion.**

** I. **

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a beautiful, young queen, gifted with the power over snow and ice. Her beauty was unparalleled, and all across the lands and the oceans, princes and peasants, foreigners and locals, men from all walks of life vied for her hand. They offered her their gold, their riches, and their lands. They offered her their hearts, their souls, and their devotions. But to each suitor that asked for her hand in marriage, the queen would unfailingly say 'no'.

And as it would happen, soon word of the queen's cold refusal swept the villages and the kingdoms. The townsfolk whispered of the sorcery and the curse that encased the queen's heart in ice and cruelness. _Why else would she refuse each and every one of her suitors_? They wondered. _Had no one been dashing enough to catch her eye?_

Hearsay were varied and ridiculous, but alas, no one had come close to the truth. After all, the world knew of the eternal winter from five summers back, but only the people of Arendelle were aware of what truly happened—along with one peculiar stranger, whose name was known all across the lands, but whose believers could only be counted among a few.

This fellow was known to appear only during the winters when he would nip at your nose and draw delicate patterns on your misty windows. His name was Jack Frost. He was very much real. And to the children of the world, he was a guardian of fun. But to the fair queen of Arendelle, what he guarded was something more… precious, more private.

But Mr. Frost was a mischievous fellow, and to the queen who had serious matters to attend, he was often seen as a troublemaker and a bully. And one day, the queen had enough of his naughty ways. She pounded her fist. She stomped her heel. She waved her arm and sent a powerful gust of wind that knocked Mr. Frost off his feet.

"Enough, Jack Frost." Ordered the queen. "Enough with your games! The courtroom is no place for your mischief! Out, out with you!" Huffed the queen.

But instead of turning away, Mr. Frost leapt off the ground, and floated to the flustered queen. "But your highness," said Mr. Frost, "I could not possibly leave you behind!"

"And why is that?" Challenged the queen. She crossed her arms, and frowned at Mr. Frost.

"Because your highness," said Mr. Frost as he lowered himself on the ground, and knelt on one knee before the queen. "Naughty kids need to be _punished_." The queen was taken aback, for Mr. Frost's impish tone had turned sleek and sultry, and somewhere south, south, _south_, the queen could feel a pleasant but fiery warmth blossom in her nether—

"OH MY GOD!" shrieked the queen, suddenly releasing a powerful blast of ice and snow that sent Mr. Frost flying away. "Oh my god, Jack! Heavens! I—_you_—the_ narration_—just—_JACK_!" cried the queen, too flustered to put together a sentence. She pointed to Mr. Frost and Mr. Frost was surprised. Such a rude gesture! Why would the queen use such a rude gesture? Mr. Frost paused to think.

"I'm hurt, your highness!" said he as he placed a hand over his heart. "Mr. Frost's got a _booboo _that only you could _kiss better_." But to his never-ending surprise, the fair queen suddenly summoned a gigantic snowstorm and aimed it at Mr. Frost. Mr. Frost was quite certain that if the snowstorm hit him square on, he would, even as an immortal, suffer from a world of pain, but all he could think about at that moment was the beautiful flush of the queen's pallid cheeks, the way her lips were pursued in concentration, the way her crystal eyes glimmered with strong determination, the way his sweater was _gloriously _clinging on to the queen's lithe form in _just the right places—_

"_Jack Frost!_" And Mr. Frost saw a flurry of snow white and ice blue hurtling at him in inhumane speed, before his vision exploded in a sea of stars and darkness. And with her nemesis in deep, deep slumber, peace had once again returned to the fair ruler of Arendelle.

**THE END!**

**Author's Note: Rest assured there will be more chapters to come. :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**II.**

Once upon a time, there was once a peaceful kingdom known as Arendelle. Its ruler was fair and wise and dear to her people, and blessed with a beautiful magic that could wield snow and ice. But though the queen was magnificent and loved by everyone, she remained alone: without a significant other whom she could share her life with; without a partner whom she could take to the formal balls with her, and glide and spin on the dance floor…

… without someone _who would just learn to respect the damn boundaries, for crying out loud, not even the head servant had seen me in my unmentionables—would you just close the godforsaken door, already? And—_no_! Goddamn it, stay on the _other _side—oh you know what, never mind, just, please, keep your hands to yourself and—_oh! Heavens_, Jack Frost, I need to be down there in five minutes—_no_, damn it, not _that_ down there—_oh. _Oh! _Ohhh…


End file.
